Honey! Whose undies are these?

"Intimate relationship is supposed to be safe and a place where you know someone has your back, not where you need to watch your back."


A woman recently moved in with her boyfriend. She had gone off to get some of his laundry out of the hamper and found a pair of women's undies. The boyfriend insists he had no idea why they were there and whose are they. He was really furious at her for disbelieving him.

At the same time, she does not actually know if he is done with any emotional feelings for his previous relationship, with whom he had a child. He speaks of her occasionally and gets angry if she says anything unconstructive about her. The current girlfriend feels queasy about this and is confused whether she should believe him or not. Apparently, his reliability is questionable.

It never ceases to astonish the things people especially women are willing to endure in intimate relationships. The woman has no idea if the guy is over his former girlfriend, and yet she’s willing to live in with him. This is an obvious case of desperation. What's relevant is actually not the proof of undies found with his laundry, but his reaction towards the girlfriend in finding them. He got shifty and attempted to defend himself. Without a doubt, there is something peculiar going on.

Thinking about it, in this circumstance that an intimate apparel was found among the other person’s belongings, would the person get angry when asked? If the person was innocent, he would probably be stunned and say he doesn't know anything, in his usual, composed tone of voice. However, if the other person had something to conceal, he'd get defensive or angry in an attempt to make the other party feel guilty and thus bring the issue to a close.

Once, another woman found a strand of red, short, wavy hair in the bed of a man she was dating. Since the woman had blonde hair, she knew at once it wasn't hers. She got a similar response and assured her he didn't know whose it was or how it got there and how dare she judged him. Only to find out afterwards that he was actually meeting up with another woman with red, short, wavy hair.

Going back to the initial scenario, at that point in time, a "circumstantial evidence" is found in the guise of intimate apparel. It appears something has been ongoing but not absolutely positive. The undies and his reaction serve as vital indicators or “orange flags.” It is imperative for the woman to keep close watch for some other “orange flags" and if something similar would occur, definitely she should immediately break it up with him and move out.